Cry
by SMS13
Summary: Short stand-alone. Just read.


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Author's Notes: Absolutely random standalone. I was woken up by this song this morning and I just felt like crying and then writing. The song is in italics and it is "Don't Cry" by Seal. I am making no money by using it or any other characters. 

_~*~_

_Don't be so hard on yourself._

_Those tears are for someone else._

_I hear your voice on the phone._

_I hear you feel so alone._

Her frantic voices comes out, almost screaming for help, yet subtle as a whisper. The uncertainty, the doubt, the fear all come rushing towards me. I'm snapped out of my dreams. This is reality, it's really happening. My body instantly responds to her. Everything that I've spent months building up, I'm willing to leave for her. The warm loving body next to me, I'm going to destroy. I'm willing to do this. Only for her. She has this unexplainable control over me. I don't know why. I thought I stopped loving her, obviously I didn't. She doesn't feel the same way; I'm nothing to her, a past mistake, nothing more. Yet I wish she could see what she could have, what I could give her. I would be everything, love her till her dying day. I would be strength in the hard times, and joy in the good. 

I would be

a dream. 

_When we were young,_

_And truth was paramount._

_We were older then,_

_And we lived our life without any doubt._

We were friends above all else. Those coffee breaks, those tepid smiles in the halls, the late night meetings and long conversations. What happened to all that? It makes me feel like I'm missing something. We could have fought any wars as friends. I was there to help me, because she meant more to me than my own life did. But as a couple we were a disaster. We had our good moments; moments that I turn to in the middle of the night, when no one's watching. I remember the smile on her face, the whole world would light up and I would have hope. She was the most beautiful woman in the world when she smiled. She was a memory. 

Memories are what make 

me live.

_Those memories,_

_They seem so long ago._

_What's become of them? _

_When you feel like me I want you to know._

I've felt all the pain she feels. I've gone through it all. I knew the world was against me, and I knew it wanted me to give up. I wanted to give up, I almost did. Everything good I had disappeared, and I was left naked and alone. No one loved me. It hit me the hardest when I realized she didn't love me. It was the ultimate blow to my weak and ravaged body. I almost believed my own lies. I wanted a way out, a way to forget her. There was no forgetting her. I had never given anyone so much love, and all that went to waste. Yet I still held on that hope that maybe she would. 

I'm still 

holding on.

_Don't cry._

_You're not alone._

_Don't cry,_

_Tonight, my baby._

_Don't cry,_

_You'll always be loved._

_Don't cry,_

_Tonight._

My body leads me into the same scenario in my dreams. She's ravaged and torn, nothing else to do but give up. She's giving up and I might be the only one to stop her. I cant' save her from herself. I see the quick breaths and the tears raging down her tears. She rocks back and forth, begging for an answer. An answer to her pain and misery. Why did they choose to be the carrier of all this hatred and scorn? Her body shakes with every sob and I can't move closer to comfort her. Is this another slap in the face? Is this another way she can tear my heart into a million pieces? Haven't we been through enough? Can't we stop depending on each other? Can't we see the truth

behind the mask?

_Today I dreamed,_

_Of friends I had before._

_And I wonder why._

_The ones who care don't call anymore._

She has all but erased me from her existence. I wanted the same. She was a painful reminder of my past, a past I'd rather not go back to. She was the calm in my storm. She was also the aftermath. She meant everything to me, and she meant nothing. She's a paradox. She's love and hate. She's glorious and destructive. 

She is

my soul. 

_My feelings hurt._

_But you know I overcome the pain._

_And I'm stronger now,_

_There can't be a fire unless there's a flame._

We'd never work out. There is no possibility. We are too different, complete opposites. Yet were together, the most complicated year of my life. The best year of my life, at that. We had everything, the good times and the bad times, and somehow we managed to get over the good, and the bad flooded us. We stopped communicating. I never could read her, unless I looked into her eyes. And right now I know the truth. The horrid truth I never wanted to find out. I can't see, breathe, move, live with her a room. That's the control she has over me. I'm rendered hopeless and helpless with one glance. I can't let these inclinations go. They still possess me and control me. 

She still possesses

and controls me.

_Don't cry._

_You're not alone._

_Don't cry,_

_Tonight, my baby._

_Don't cry._

_You'll always be loved._

_Don't cry oh._

I will never be able to let her go. As long as I know I can have one short phone-call once a year, I might be able to go on. I know I'll always love her. There is no point in denying it. And while I sit here holding her fragile body in my arms, wiping away all her tears, wanting to be strong. I want to be stronger for her, but I know I can't. I feel the same way. I only have regrets and doubts in my mind right now. I feel like I'm dying because she's crying. I wish she wouldn't cry. I've never seen her cry and call for someone. She's breaking down and the only thing in her mind was me. Should I feel special? Or should I feel like I'm simply a void filler? Someone she can turn to and will never turn her away. I don't' have enough strength to turn her away. I'll run to her, even if it means that I would have to go through hell to get here. 

I'm here...

I'll make it better. 

_Limousines and sycophants,_

_Don't leave me now,_

_Cause I'm afraid what you've done to me._

She always does this to me. Forces me to run to her, to come to her every need. She knows I will always come. I always have had these dreams. I come to her side and she tells me she loves me in-between tears. It's only a dream though. She'd never let anyone in enough to tell them that. She had these words that are not in her vocabulary and "I love you" or "I need you" are not in them. I continue to hold her like a mother would hold a sick child. The tears have stopped coming, but I can feel her pain though her touch. I'm beginning to hurt. 

Why does she

cause so much pain? 

_The challenges, we took were hard enough._

_They get harder now._

_Even when we think that we've had enough._

_Don't feel alone,_

_Cause it's you understand._

I know her better than I know myself. I know how much she's been through, even the stuff she hides inside. I know she's like every other human being, dying in their own problems. I even know the one's she keeps locked away. I know she's had her heart broken so many times just should just give up. Yet she managed to give us a chance. We weren't that bad. We just needed to take it slower, we needed more time. I gave up too easily. We could have toughed it out, like we've toughed out our friendship at times. The hard times were hard, but without her there, they felt harder. I felt so alone, even though I was in bed lying with another woman. I had someone next to me, yet she felt so distant. But her. She is something else, a challenge, a war, a love that will never dissipate. I wish she could see what she means to me. I wish she could see how much suffering she causes me every single night. I wish she would never change. 

I wish 

she was mine. 

_I'm your sedative,_

_Take a piece of me whenever you can._

I'll always be there for her. 

She's my world, my light, my stars, my sun.

Even if she doesn't feel the same. 

Even if the tears are for a person entirely different. 

Even if we are hopeless and distant. 

I'll love her.

_Don't cry tonight_

_You'll still be loved._


End file.
